A BOSS WALKED INTO THE OFFICE ONE MORNING NOT KNOWING THAT HIS ZIPPER WAS DOWN AND HIS FLY AREA IS WIDE OPEN.HIS SECRETARY WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID "BOSS THIS MORNING WHEN YOU LEFT YOUR HOUSE, DID YOU CLOSE YOUR GARAGE DOOR?" THIS WAS NOT A PHRASE THAT HER BOSS UNDERSTOOD, SO HE WENT INTO HIS OFFICE LOOKING A BIT PUZZLED.

WHEN HE WAS ABOUT DONE WITH HIS PAPERWORK, HE SUDDENLY NOTICED THAT HIS ZIPPER WAS NOT ZIPPED UP. HE ZIPPED UP AND REMEMBERING WHAT HIS SECRETARY HAD TOLD HIM, FINALLY UNDERSTOOD.

THEN HE INTENTIONALLY WENT OUT TO ASK FOR A CUP OF COFFEE FROM HIS SECRETARY.WHEN HE REACHED HER DESK, HE SAID "WHEN YOU SAW THE GARAGE DOOR OPEN DID YOU SEE MY MERCEDES PARKED IN THERE?"

THE SECRETARY SMILED FOR A MOMENT AND SAID "NO BOSS I DIDN'T, ALL I SAW WAS A MINI COOPER WITH 2 FLAT TIRES"

One day, a young boy was puzzled by one question in a paper that the teacher gave him. The boy finally took the paper to the living room where both his parents were watching television.

He went up to them and asked "Ma and Pa, What do you mean by sex?"
Taken aback by this question, both the parents make the boy sit by their side and the dad said "its time for you to know son". Then both the parents started to explain all about sex from A to Z.

Finally when they have finished, the boy looked even more puzzled asked them "OK Dad. But how do I write such a long story in this little space?
Saying this he handed his parents the application form that says : Sex M/F?

Q. What is the difference between 'tell', 'say', and 'speak'?

A. It's not surprising that we find these confusing because as far as meaning goes these three words mean more or less the same thing. It's more a question of how we use them, of patterns of use.

With 'tell' we usually say who is told. You could say there is a personal object, so: 'Can you tell me what's happened?' We say, 'me'.
With 'say' we don't usually say who is told. So you might say 'please say each word clearly and distinctly'. And if we do say who is told, we use the word 'to', so: 'He said goodbye to me as if we would never see one another again'.
Now... There's another limit on the usage of 'tell'. We only use 'tell' to mean instruct or inform. 'I told him to wait for me on the platform'... that's an instruction. "My father used to tell me wonderful stories" - informing me. 'Say' can be used for any kind of talking.
So here are three sentences where you could not use 'tell': She said 'Where have you been?' So I said what a good idea. Maureen said 'What's the matter?' We use 'tell' without a personal object in a few expressions, that are kind of fixed expressions like tell the truth, tell the time and tell the difference.
And we use 'say' before words like a word, a name, or a sentence. An example would be: 'Don't say a word.' That's 'tell' and 'say'. You also asked about 'speak'.

We use 'speak' to mean 'talk formally', and when we do use 'speak', we use the word 'to' if there's a personal object. So you could say, 'I spoke to him severely' or 'She spoke to our teachers' association last year'.
And of course we use it when we're talking about people's language ability: 'Do you speak English?' And you do, and I hope this will help you be happier with the way you speak it.

How to make a woman happy? It's not difficult. To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:

1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 44. give her compliments regularly 45. love shopping 46. be honest (white lies okay) 47. be very rich 48. not stress her out 49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 53. to never forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY : 1. Feed him 2. F*ck him 3. and Shut the f*ck up.

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