George W. Bush and Tony Blair are at a White House dinner.
One of the guests walks over to them and asks what they're discussing.
"We are making up the plans for World War III", says Bush.
"Wow", says the guest.
"And what are the plans?"
"We're gonna kill 2 billion Muslims and one dentist",answers Bush.
The guest looks to be a bit confused. "One...dentist?" He says. "Why will you kill one dentist?" Blair pats Bush on the shoulder and says, "What did I tell you? Nobody is gonna ask about the Muslims."

*Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
*Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
*Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
*Both wives lost their children while living in the White House. *Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
*Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird.
*Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln .
*Both were assassinated by Southerners.
*Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
*Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
*John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
*Both assassins were known by their three names.
*Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
*Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.' Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'
*Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse. Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
*Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker...
*A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , MarylandA week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

I dreamed I had an interview with God.

*So you would like to interview me? God asked.
-If you have the time? I said.
*God smiled. My time is eternity.What questions do you have in mind for me?
-What surprises you most about humankind?
*God answered... That they get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.That they lose their health to make money...and then lose their money to restore their health. That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live in neither the present nor the future. That they live as if they will never die, and die as though they had never lived. We were silent for a while.
-And then I asked.As a parent, what are some of life's lessons you want your children to learn. *To learn they cannot make anyone love them.All they can do is let themselves be loved. To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others. To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness .To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those they love ,and it can take many years to heal them. To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least. To learn that there are people who love them dearly, but simply have not yet learned how to express or show their feelings. To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently ? To learn that it is not enough that they forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.
-Thank you for your time," I said. Is there anything else you would like your children to know?" *God smiled and said, Just know that I am here... always.

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.He replies: "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you".
She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.
The cab driver is very excited and says,"Yes, I'm single and Catholic!
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, "Why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."